i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
