WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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