Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Holy sore nipples Batman
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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