He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
