Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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