I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!