She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.