just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
