yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this