you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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