At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
