Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
