glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!