The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.