so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
