Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object