We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....