The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!