You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?