My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
