On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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