Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
