The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
only you would photoshop your dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Damn victory sex feels great
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
