she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
