Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Randomize
