Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
