I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
