Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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