I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
