walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize