I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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