At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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