He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
