Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
