I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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