i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
