I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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