oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...