I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.