now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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