i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.