shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.