Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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