Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
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Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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