Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
