All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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