What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
