highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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