I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
