things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
