Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
