can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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