if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i love accidental penises.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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