hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what day is it and did you see me today?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
