you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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