i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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