So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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