Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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