He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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