shes about as inviting as chlamydia
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
