you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
