I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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