Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
