I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He has the fingertips of a God
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
