If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
