Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
