they need to just BURY HIM!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
