ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.