That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME