There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk