I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this