so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.