don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.