She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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