Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.