Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day