Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Randomize
Follow @tfln