Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
