She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
