If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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