A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
