your room smells of hookers.
And success
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize