we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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