FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
