Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
