you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
