but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
