I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
