you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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