Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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