Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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