so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
